I know, I know, I'm not supposed to learn anything while on Spring Break, but I stopped paying attention and some things slipped through the cracks.
One: an airplane's fuselage can actually act like a wing does to produce lift when the plane has been rolled 90 degrees. This is very difficult to fly and only has applications in aerobatics. (I was thinking it could be used as a last ditch attempt to NOT DIE if the wings tore off, and then I realized that you wouldn't be able to set the airplane up in this configuration without the ailerons on the wings, so you'd just die.) On that note, aerobatics are AMAZING but TERRIFYING.
Two: Walmart hats do not last long at all. One wash and it's fraying like nuts. Also four inches less in circumference. Also colored weird now.
Three: no matter how boldly a can of corn proclaims it is fully cooked, do not trust it. I've lost five and a half pounds and that is all that will be said.
Four: alcohol and I, while not being particularly good friends, can mix. But my brain cannot handle any substantial amount of liquor before thinking it is entirely wasted, even though my body knows it isn't. I can walk perfectly fine, talk very well, and even pour liquids better than the wholly sober people. On the other hand, I keep asking them if I'm drunk, and apologize for my drunken antics, and then say nice things to people. It's interesting but perhaps not desirable.
Five: if you think a girl is pretty, DO NOT go camping with her. You'll stay up all night, talking about your dreams, your philosophies, and any other shit that comes to mind, and by the end of the night, under those stars, you'll realize she's beautiful instead. And that's when you fall.
I also learned how to pan-fry a steak better than anything I have had in a restaurant, exactly how much gin to coke is a proper ratio, how to jump out of an airplane while inverted, and the importance of periodic kitchen gear maintenance. Now let's see if I can actually learn anything in school next week.